Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
