I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
