R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
