Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
