There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
