dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need water and some morals
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
