she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
