Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
