I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
