Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
