So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
