Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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