You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
