Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
