the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
