I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
