You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
