I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
