he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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