Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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