Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
