My nipple is on Facebook.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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