I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
