oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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