she was so not down for the gang bang
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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