Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
