I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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