Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
