I am puke
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
