Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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