Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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