i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
