i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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