He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
