So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
birth control should be required to get into college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
