I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
