I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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