when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
