my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
