he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
