hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
