So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
