He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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