Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
