I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I died a long time ago.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
