I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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