i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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