I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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