its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When are your genitals available?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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