I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
