Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
