He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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