im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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