I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
