you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
