How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize