using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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