he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
