just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
