i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
