youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
