They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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