Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
