Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
time to smoke my breakfast
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
