you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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