your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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