New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
