Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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