Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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