I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
