can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
