I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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