This is not my ceiling
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
