Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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