sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
