if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.