Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.