He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a hoe opinion