They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This baby is an asshole
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
